Chapter 1

Because of the sentence Julian once said, "If you're still single by thirty, I'll marry you."

I fought with everything I had to stay alive.

Yet, at twenty-nine, my life reached its end.

Before I could even take off my lab coat, I had transformed from a doctor into a patient.

……

St. Jude Medical Center, Neurology Ward.

The nurse led me into the ward: "Dr. Clara, this private room has the best natural light. If you need assistance, the call button is right..."

"I know," I interrupted her calmly, "I've worked at this hospital for five years. I'm very familiar with it."

"You go ahead with your work."

The nurse paused for a moment, then nodded: "Alright."

As she turned to leave, I called out to her again: "Do you know where Julian is?"

"Dr. Julian?" The nurse recalled for a moment, "He's in the ER. Would you like me to call him for you?"

The ER?

I furrowed my brows slightly. Julian is a cardiothoracic surgeon; why would he be in the ER?

I shook my head: "No, thank you."

Once the nurse left, I sat on the sofa and checked my phone.

I was diagnosed with a brain tumor last week. Julian had promised to help me with the admission process, but he never showed up, nor did he answer my calls.

I had assumed he was tied up with an important surgery……

I clenched my hands, got up to leave the room, and took the elevator down to the ER on the first floor.

The ER was always the busiest place in the hospital.

But the moment I stepped out of the elevator, I saw Julian standing in front of the ER station.

He wore silver-rimmed glasses, his lab coat was clean and crisp, and a jade-carved Buddha pendant hung from the collar of the white shirt underneath.

Cool, ethereal, stoic, and distant.

He was the youngest attending cardiothoracic surgeon at St. Jude, with eight years of practice and thousands of surgeries without a single error.

Many people in the hospital liked Julian, and so did I.

And I had liked him longer than anyone else.

We were childhood sweethearts, and I had been in love with him for ten full years.

Ten years, and I no longer had another ten years left.

I suppressed the bitterness in my heart and stepped toward him: "Juli……"

Before the sound could leave my lips, I suddenly saw Julian reach out his hand and tuck a strand of hair falling beside the face of the female doctor opposite him behind her ear!

In that instant, it felt as if I had fallen into an ice cellar!

I had never seen Julian be that intimate with anyone else.

I dared not even imagine who that woman was, or what kind of relationship she had with him.

I could only turn around in a panic and escape into the elevator before Julian could see me.

I returned to my room in a daze, sitting by the bed, staring blankly at the heavy snow falling outside.

All these years, I was the only one who had stayed by Julian's side.

When he wanted to be a doctor, I joined him in applying to medical school, and we resisted our families' arrangements together.

When he was the lead surgeon, I gave up my own chances to be the lead, voluntarily serving as his first assistant.

Yet, in Julian's eyes, there had never been a place for me!

My heart began to ache as if pierced by a sharp blade.

I clutched my chest, bent over, and coughed violently.

Because the exertion was too much, I felt dizzy, and when I tried to reach for my water glass, I couldn't see clearly at all.

Just then, a long, slender hand picked up the glass and handed it to me.

Julian's gaze was cool and distant, like a pool of still water: "Is it starting to hurt?"

I looked at his hand, and the thought of it having just brushed hair for another woman made my heart feel raw with bitterness.

"I'm fine." I took the glass, lowering my eyes to avoid his gaze.

Julian didn't notice anything unusual, picked up my medical record, and flipped through a couple of pages: "I've already spoken with the head of the neurology department. Don't worry, the hospital will provide you with the best treatment."

I held the glass, remaining silent for a long while before asking.

"Julian, do you remember what you said on my twentieth birthday?"

Julian's fingers paused.

Nine years ago, on my twentieth birthday.

He had said: "If we reach thirty and neither of us is married, I'll marry you."

Julian's eyes darkened slightly: "I remember. Why do you ask?"

I looked up at him, my tone light and airy: "I want to get married."

"Marry me."

Chapter 2

There was a long silence in the ward.

I didn't know why I had suddenly said such a thing.

But I truly wanted to marry Julian.

I also knew that because of my illness, he wouldn't refuse me immediately.

Unexpectedly, however, Julian spoke coldly and clearly the next second: "I cannot marry you."

I was severely shaken, my heart feeling as if it had been thrown into ice water, growing colder inch by inch.

"Why?"

Julian answered very seriously: "Clara, that statement only held true under the premise that neither of us had someone we loved."

"And now, I have someone I love."

My heart felt as if it had plummeted from ten thousand meters, shattering into pieces.

Almost instantly, I thought of the woman at the ER station whom he had treated so gently.

It's her, isn't it……

I had spent ten years by his side and still couldn't win Julian's heart.

What kind of charm did that woman possess?

I didn't know; I only felt even more ashamed than I did before.

It was as if I had been stripped bare, and I wished I could find a hole to crawl into.

I endured the heartache, not daring to meet Julian's eyes: "If that's the case, pretend I never mentioned it."

"I have to go for examinations later, you…… go back to your work."

This was the calmest I could possibly be.

Julian didn't seem to notice anything, nodding naturally: "If you feel unwell anywhere, remember to tell me."

I forced a smile, though it felt strained: "You're not a neurologist; what good would it do to tell you? Anyway, go on, I'm fine."

Julian didn't stay any longer and walked away.

The moment the ward door closed, my eyes turned red.

But I pinched my palms so hard I refused to let the tears fall easily.

What was there to be sad about?

Throughout the years we spent together, I had known long ago that Julian didn't love me.

It was better that he had someone he liked; at least when I died, there would still be someone by his side.

It was also fortunate that Julian didn't love me, otherwise, he would have to suffer for my death.

The more I thought about it, the more I broke down, burying my face into the pillow……

Once my emotions settled, I went out for my examinations.

By the time I finished, it was already dark outside.

Wearing my hospital gown, I walked back, passing several doctors coming the other way.

I looked at the lab coats they wore, filled with envy.

And regret.

In my five years as a doctor, because I wanted to stay by Julian's side, I gave up the opportunity to be a lead surgeon and worked as his first assistant instead.

I thought we had plenty of time, and that I would eventually have the chance to realize my dream of being a lead surgeon.

I never expected I would develop a brain tumor, and that my hands would start to tremble, preventing me from ever holding a scalpel again!

I returned to my ward, feeling completely lost.

As I pushed the door open, I saw that Julian had arrived.

I couldn't help but feel surprised, yet unable to suppress the joy: "Why are you here? Isn't the department busy?"

Julian turned back at the sound of my voice and pointed to the meal box on the table: "I brought you dinner. Did the check-up go smoothly?"

"Smoothly." I instinctively wanted to tell him what had happened.

But before the words could leave my mouth, I stopped.

Things were different between us now.

I swallowed the bitterness and forced myself to distance him: "Thank you for bringing me food."

Julian furrowed his brows slightly: "What's going on? Why are you being so polite with me?"

I tried my best to keep my voice sounding normal: "Isn't it because I'm afraid your loved one might misunderstand?"

"You don't need to go out of your way to buy me food next time. I can just call the nurse."