A Very Particular Kind of Jealousy

"After lunch," Alex said, and pressed a kiss into her palm.

Sera carried the promise through the next morning like a secret sweet.

Then Lady Vivian Hart arrived.

Vivian was beautiful in a polished, effortless way, with dark red hair, an easy laugh, and an alarming supply of stories about Alex's school days.

Sera joined them in the drawing room to find Alex laughing over a memory she hadn't heard.

For a second she stopped in the doorway.

Alex looked up immediately and held out a hand.

"Come and save me. Vivian has threatened to tell you about the rowing club."

Sera went to her. It helped that Alex's hand closed warmly around hers. It helped less that Vivian knew how Alex had broken the oar and which tutor had seen it happen.

Sera wanted those years. She wanted to know the younger Alex who was clumsy and reckless, who had laughed before Sera ever entered this room.

The feeling startled her with its selfishness.

"Did you spend a great deal of time together?" she asked.

Vivian accepted tea. "We shared rooms for a term. Alex was the only person who could tolerate my practicing the violin."

Sera's fingers tightened around her cup.

"How companionable."

Alex glanced at her.

"She practiced badly," Alex said. "I wore earplugs."

Vivian laughed. "Martha says I haven't improved. She's threatened to leave me for a woman with a quieter hobby."

"Martha?" Sera asked, perhaps too quickly.

"My wife. She'd have come, but she has three new foals and won't leave the stable. I'm to collect Alex's advice about a saddle and bring it home before supper."

Sera drank tea to hide an embarrassing amount of relief.

Vivian was pleasant. She asked Sera about the poetry collection and listened to the answer. By the time she left, Sera quite liked her.

This did not prevent her from being irritated with herself.

Alex escorted their visitor to the door, then returned to the drawing room.

"Did I imagine that," Alex asked, "or were you a little jealous?"

Sera rearranged a teaspoon.

"I was gathering background information."

"Very thorough of you."

The teasing was gentle. Sera still felt uncomfortably exposed.

"She knows you very well."

Alex sat beside her. The smile softened.

"Yes. She's an old friend."

"I know. I like her."

"But?"

Sera looked at her own hands.

"I'm trying to learn what being special to you looks like."

Alex became very still.

Then she reached across, taking the teaspoon before Sera could turn it another time.

"It looks like waiting for your knock when I ought to be working. And asking the kitchen whether they've remembered the lemon cakes. And knowing I should be listening to the steward while I'm wondering if you've reached the poem on page forty-three."

Sera looked up.

Alex's expression held no amusement now.

"I don't do that for Vivian."

"Page forty-three is very good," Sera said faintly.

"I hoped you'd like it."

Sera leaned against her shoulder. Alex's cheek came to rest against her hair.

For a while there was no need to say anything else.

That afternoon Alex took her to the archery lawn. Sera had asked to learn after discovering the little targets beyond the orchard, and Alex had promised an introduction to a bow considerably less formidable than her own.

The first arrow landed in the grass.

The second remained on the string because Sera released the wrong fingers.

The third reached the outer edge of the target.

Sera turned in triumph.

Alex was smiling at her as though she had won a tournament.

"You're terribly biased," Sera said.

"I'm an encouraging teacher."

Alex stepped behind her to adjust the angle of her elbow. Sera felt the light touch through her sleeve, the warm breath near her temple.

She suddenly understood why learning anything with Alex took so much concentration.

"Do you teach everyone like this?" she asked.

"With bows? Usually."

Sera lowered the bow, setting it carefully on the bench beside them, and turned within the small circle of Alex's arms.

"That wasn't what I meant."

Alex's gaze dropped to her mouth.

Sera leaned up and kissed the corner of hers.

"Was that also encouraging?" Alex asked after a moment.

"I'm deciding."

She kissed the other corner.

Alex forgot whatever she had been about to say.

Delighted, Sera touched her cheek. The skin beneath her fingers was warm.

"You blush," she whispered.

"Apparently."

"I thought nothing embarrassed you."

"You haven't been paying attention."

Sera kissed her properly then, laughing a little as Alex's arms closed around her waist. When they broke apart, Alex kept her close, smiling with her forehead against Sera's.

The arrows remained on the bench for a considerable time.

Later, walking back through the orchard, Sera asked whether she might hear something without a joke attached.

Alex stopped beside a flowering tree.

"Anything."

Sera picked at the edge of her glove.

"You told me on the balcony that you like me. I keep remembering it. Could you say it again?"

Alex took her hands.

"I like you, Sera. I like how you argue with books. I like that you talk to Clover as though she's a difficult relation. I like the expression you get when you think you're being subtle."

Sera laughed, eyes unexpectedly hot.

Alex's thumbs moved over her gloves.

"And I like you when you're quiet. You don't have to entertain me to make me want you here."

That was the part Sera had not known she needed.

She let herself be drawn closer, putting her arms around Alex's waist.

"I like you too," she said into the dark coat. "A very particular amount."

Alex's laugh trembled against her cheek.

"Considerable?"

Sera lifted her head.

"Growing."