This Time, On Purpose

"No," Alex said.

The answer was so immediate that Sera's careful courage almost deserted her.

"Good. Because I would find that rather insulting."

Alex turned her hand, palm open. Sera slid her fingers into it.

Then she rose onto her toes and kissed her.

This time she knew exactly what she was touching: Alex's warm, soft mouth, the faint curve of a smile disappearing beneath her lips. Nobody stumbled. Nobody needed rescuing.

She pulled back after a moment, suddenly unsure where to look.

Alex hadn't moved away.

"Was that all right?" Sera asked.

Alex let out an unsteady breath.

"I'm trying very hard not to ask you to do it again."

Sera's embarrassment turned into a bright, reckless pleasure.

"You could ask."

"Would you kiss me again?"

She caught the front of Alex's coat and did.

Alex's free hand settled at her waist. The touch was gentle, but there was nothing absentminded about the way Alex drew her nearer.

Sera had expected to feel awkward. Instead, once the first rush of nerves passed, she wanted to learn. She tilted her head, discovered a better angle, and felt Alex smile before kissing her more slowly.

Her fingers loosened on the coat. One hand found Alex's shoulder, then the back of her neck.

Alex's breath caught.

That tiny sound left Sera dizzy with happiness.

When they separated, she stayed close enough for their foreheads to touch.

"I had an excellent speech prepared," she confessed.

"I'm sorry I missed it."

"There were conditions. Very sensible ones."

"Can you remember them?"

"Not a single word."

Alex laughed softly. Sera felt it in the small space between them.

From inside, the musicians began another dance. Someone called for a missing glass. Ordinary life was continuing with outrageous indifference.

Sera had just kissed a woman because she wanted to. She had been kissed back as though Alex had wanted nothing else all evening.

She wasn't ready to rejoin ordinary life.

"Could we sit down?" she asked.

Alex led her to the stone bench beside the orange tree. They sat close, knees touching beneath Sera's skirt. Their joined hands rested between them.

For a while she watched Alex's thumb move lightly over her knuckles.

"I wasn't sure you liked me," Sera admitted.

Alex turned toward her.

"What?"

"You were being kind. You're kind to everyone. I couldn't tell how much of it was because our families expect us to get along."

The thumb stopped.

"I like you."

Alex said it quietly, without a smile to soften it into teasing.

Sera's chest warmed.

"Oh."

"A rather considerable amount."

"Well," Sera said, looking down at their hands, "I have been borrowing books I didn't need."

Alex's laugh escaped in a startled breath.

"I know."

"You could have spared me some effort."

"I was afraid you'd stop coming if I pointed it out."

Sera looked up. There was something painfully sweet about the admission, something that made her want to hold Alex's face and answer properly.

So she did.

The next kiss was brief and tender. Alex closed her eyes before their mouths met.

"I like you too," Sera whispered afterward. "Even when you know exactly what I'm doing."

"Especially then?"

"Don't become difficult. We've only just started."

They agreed to keep this new thing mostly theirs for a while. Neither wanted their families turning a few kisses into a final wedding announcement.

For once Sera could have something before everyone else named it for her.

When they returned to the ballroom, Alex offered an arm. Sera took it, then hid a smile when Alex looked down at the hand resting on her sleeve.

The rest of the evening became a collection of small discoveries.

Alex always checked whether she wanted to stay before accepting another conversation. Alex could discuss river shipping with perfect seriousness while Sera's little finger touched hers. Alex blushed if Sera leaned close to speak directly into her ear.

Sera tested the last discovery twice.

At her bedroom door, neither immediately said good night.

"You should sleep," Alex said at last.

"That sounds like an instruction."

"A recommendation."

"Will you be offended if I accept it?"

"Devastated. But quietly."

Sera laughed, reached up, and straightened Alex's collar even though it was already immaculate.

"Thank you for tonight."

Alex caught her hand and kissed her fingertips.

"Sleep well, Sera."

She went inside before she could invite Alex to stay on the doorstep forever.

Rose sat by the dressing table, waiting to help with the pearl buttons.

"A pleasant evening?"

Sera looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair had loosened. Her cheeks were pink. She looked very little like a beautifully wrapped obligation.

"Yes."

Rose smiled and began undoing the buttons.

"You needn't ask anything else," Sera warned.

"I hadn't intended to."

That was worse somehow.

The next morning, Sera arrived at breakfast determined to behave naturally. She managed to greet the queen without trouble, discuss the weather, and accept a cup of tea.

Then Alex sat beside her.

"Good morning."

It was apparently possible to blush at a perfectly conventional greeting.

Sera buttered her toast with great concentration.

Julian, seated opposite, began an account of a disastrous fishing expedition. While he described the loss of a hat, Sera lowered her hand beneath the tablecloth.

Her little finger found Alex's.

Alex's sentence stopped halfway through a comment about the lake.

Sera took a bite of toast.

A warm hand folded around hers.

The rest of breakfast passed most agreeably.

Afterward, Alex walked her to the garden doors.

"I have an afternoon free tomorrow. Would you like to go into Bellwick? There's a bookshop I think you'd enjoy."

"Is this a tour of the kingdom or a date?"

Alex looked at her, the corner of her mouth lifting.

"A date, if you'll have one with me."

Sera leaned close enough to make the answer private.

"I've been hoping you'd ask."