At first, Julian faced away too.

Then he turned over.

His voice came from just behind my ear.

“This way, there's more room.”

“Okay,” I said quietly.

He rested a hand over me, on top of the blanket.

“Finn. I need to tell you something.”

My body went stiff.

“I'm going to tell him how I feel.”

I opened my eyes and stared at the bed rail in front of me.

“You know something, Finn?”

His forehead came to rest against the back of my neck.

His voice was low.

“I really, really like him.”

I didn't answer.

I pretended I was asleep.

15

On Friday evening, I'd just got back from the library when Julian called.

His low voice had a lazy edge.

“Think I've had a little too much. Come get me?”

It wasn't until I was in the rideshare, idly looking at my phone, that I noticed the date.

It was his birthday.

And I'd forgotten.

Maybe that was why I didn't get particularly angry when I reached the location he'd sent and realized he wasn't drunk at all.

He'd just tricked me into coming.

“What are we doing here?”

I tipped my head back to look at the enormous Ferris wheel in front of us.

“Ride it with me?”

Julian smiled.

“Call it my birthday present.”

I pressed my lips together, remembering how much effort he'd put into my birthday that year.

The contrast with what I'd done for his was brutal.

I couldn't bring myself to say no.

16

As the Ferris wheel rose, I looked across at Julian and asked gently, “What do you want for your birthday?”

He watched me through lowered lashes, unmoved.

“Anything I ask for?”

I wasn't falling for that.

“Tell me first.”

Julian smiled without making a sound.

It wasn't until we were almost at the top that he spoke.

“Finn. How do you think I should tell him? What would give me the best chance?”

He paused.

“I'm going to do it.”

Every trace of guilt vanished.

Lately, he'd asked me almost every day how he should tell this guy he liked him.

My answer was always the same.

“I don't know.”

But he wouldn't let it go.

“Then tell me what you'd like. If it were you, how would you want someone to tell you?”

And I'd look straight at him and say, very clearly, “But it isn't me.”

Tonight was no different.

When Julian asked yet again what kind of confession I'd want, I finally ran out of patience.

I looked out at the dull, lightless sky and gave up.

“Just kiss him, Julian. Skip the speech and kiss him.”

Out of the corner of my eye, his expression changed. His gaze darkened, and a small smile curved his mouth.

“You sure?”

He was actually taking me seriously.

I let out an incredulous laugh and turned back, ready to curse him out.

He moved before I could speak.

Suddenly, he was right there, pressing me back against the wall of the gondola.

He caught my chin and smiled, infuriatingly at ease.

“If you'd told me that was what you wanted, I could've stopped being a gentleman a long time ago.”

Then he bent his head and kissed me.

17

The Ferris wheel reached the top.

A dozen fireworks burst across the black sky, one after another.

Something exploded in my head too.

My thoughts scattered.

I gathered them, piece by piece, and arrived at an impossible conclusion.

Julian was in love with me.

Once I let go of the assumption that he wanted Theo, everything I'd failed to understand snapped into focus.

He'd been trying to win me over all along.

I was the only one he'd ever touched like this.

The days he'd gone out of his way to treat Theo were also the nights Theo had conveniently stayed somewhere else.

Those knowing looks from Theo hadn't been flirtation. He'd been teasing Julian for bribing him so shamelessly.

After a few more kisses, Julian drew back just enough to look at me.

In his eyes, I could see the fireworks.

My own stunned face.

And love, so unmistakable I couldn't believe I'd missed it.

For the first time, he looked nervous.

His lips pressed together before he spoke.

“You said that was how you'd want it. I did what you said.”

His voice faltered just slightly.

“So you're supposed to say yes now.”

I blinked, overwhelmed, and didn't answer.

The fireworks burned out quickly, leaving only faint traces of light.

Outside, the sky went dark again.

So did Julian's eyes.

Before that light could disappear completely, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

This time, he was the one who froze.

I kissed him softly, over and over, and whispered against his mouth, “Yes.”

Then, “Because I fell for you first.”

A second later, he took over.

He kissed me like he'd been waiting his whole life to do it.

I wanted the light in the eyes of the person I loved never to go out.

I wanted those fireworks to stay there forever.

18

I'd assumed that once the kiss ended, we'd have a tender conversation.

Instead, the first thing Julian said was, “You fucking told me you were straight.”

I stared at him for two seconds with my lips swollen from kissing.

It was the look you gave a man who was about to die.

Then I rubbed my forehead.

“Because I thought you liked Theo. I figured finding out I liked you would make things awkward.”

Julian went silent.

After a long moment, he closed his eyes and muttered a curse.

Then he leaned down to kiss me again.

“My fault,” he said quietly. “I should've told you sooner.”

That kiss didn't end until the Ferris wheel had almost brought us back to the ground.

19

By then, it was late again.

I followed Julian back to his apartment without thinking much of it.

Then I opened the door to the guest room I'd used last time.

And stopped.

The bed was gone.

He'd turned the room into a gaming setup.

I looked back at him, expressionless.

Julian met my gaze without a trace of shame, lounging against the sofa.

“What? Didn't I mention there's only one bed now?”

I stayed where I was. My stare grew more pointed.

“Sorry,” he said lightly. “Must've forgotten.”

“You did that on fucking purpose.”

He glanced down at his phone and nodded absently.

“You could put it that way.”

Then, without looking up, “Come here. Help me pick a caption for our relationship announcement.”

That distracted me.

I hesitated for a few seconds before asking, without much confidence, “Could we keep it to ourselves for now?”

Julian locked his phone and looked up.

“Why?”

I needed time to prepare myself to come out.

Call me cautious. Call me oversensitive.

I'd tried to prepare for the worst: people looking at me differently, talking about me behind my back.

But imagining it and being able to face it were two very different things.

I wasn't ready yet.

After I explained, Julian didn't argue.

He had only one request.

Delete the number of the guy from our elective.

Julian was unbelievably petty.

20

When we'd been ordinary friends, Julian had managed to behave himself in bed.

As my boyfriend, apparently that was impossible.

I pushed at his shoulders, breathless beneath him.

“Enough. We've been kissing forever. Can we go to sleep now?”

He watched me with dark eyes, his throat moving as he swallowed.

Clearly, he hadn't had enough.

My patience ran out. I ignored him and pulled the covers over myself.

Only then did he settle down behind me.

His hand slipped under the hem of my shirt.

I was about to swear at him when he kissed my ear.

“I'm not doing anything. Just brushing up on anatomy.”

His fingers moved lightly.

“Finn. Is this your collarbone?”

His hand traveled lower.

“What about here? Come on. Tell me what this is.”

I gritted my teeth and tried, without much success, to push his hand away.

“Not telling me?”

He kissed the back of my neck.

“Then can I kiss it? Take a closer look and figure it out myself?”

I'd had enough.

I finally caught his hand and pulled it out of my shirt.

Then I wrapped the blanket tightly around myself and closed my eyes.

Behind me, Julian laughed softly.

“Another time, then.”

His voice gentled.

“Good night, boyfriend.”

21

Theo was the only person who knew Julian and I were together.

As my other roommate, he'd hardly needed an announcement.

He snorted and pursed his lips.

“Knew it. It was only a matter of time before Julian ate you alive. That man plays the long game.”

I still felt awkwardly guilty around Theo.

I'd give him an embarrassed smile and buy him snacks and iced coffee now and then, quietly trying to make up for what I still felt I'd done.